Monday, January 31, 2011

my cheating heart............

The age old question has always been why men cheat. People have done studies, written books, and fucking television shows on it. Well, I’m not a social science major   or anything near such an expert, by I do know why I did it. The reason on why i cheated was simple, pussy. Most importantly; new pussy. I think I suffer from A.D.D in every facets of my life. Everything I did was only interesting for only a short period of time, and then the thrill was gone. I needed something new to occupy my time. Since sex was the one thing  that never got old too me , just the women I was having sex with did .believe me I met and slept with some interesting  women through  the years  and for what it worth it was great .still the greatest challenge for me in my love is going the distance in a relationship. Getting the girl was the easy part, staying fateful and loyal was the hardest part for me. I knew cheating was bad, I knew it would hurt the one I love but I just couldn’t help myself .For me this habit was more psychological then just a man who couldn’t control his impulses, the smalls things about a woman that I thought was sexy I would use it as a reason for me to fuck her, like the time when I was at the Plex in North Charleston, and there was a sexy redhead, she was 5’2, plump, and had an BIG ASS!  This was still around the time when butt cleavage was still in fashion. She was wearing a hot red lace thong (and I’m a sucker for women who wear sluttly underwear!)  A pair of low raised blue jeans and a cute halter top. All I could think about when I first saw her  was “I wonder what’s she like in the bed, is she a screamer, a moaner , a biter, maybe a squirter . Does she swallow or spits. Mmmm I’ll just have to find out the hard way. Yea it was safe to say I fucked her that night, and many more nights after. That was until the night I left my phone at my baby momma’s house and she read a few racy texts from her and that sealed my fate.

Most of my troubles in this department always starts with me trying to get a little more than what I have at home, but most of the time the main reason is the thrill of the hunt. I know it sounds fucked up , but the real thrill for me wasn’t the new pussy . It was the feeling to stalking, chasing , and bagging my prey .A lot of times I would just go into a bar , or a nightclub , walk around the room a times before I going for the kill , you know like how a loin seek the weakness animal in the heard , this works about the same way.
Now ladies, there is tell-tell sign you give off to men like me that you are in the “other “woman department. Hers a small list:
One.  You just got out of a bad relationship and you been out so long you don’t realize how much of date field has change since the last you were single.
Two. Mostly too much going on in your life (i.e. being a still parent, working full time, going school...etc)
Three: sometimes wanting too much too fast, being co-depended is working against you. For a guy like me this is too easy, I used to say the thing they wanted to hear, Ease their fears and go for the kill, before she knew what happen I was already on to the next victim. 

           Yes women when it comes to getting “played” you can be you own worst enemy. It mostly about numbers, since woman outnumber men 2 to 1 on the planet this is how the ball rolls.
I know you think I’m a pig at the moment for mention this, but remember there is a silver lining to this. Remember ladies you hold the biggest cards, and yet you never play them right . That right you hold the PUSSY! That the main goal for most of the players, macks , pimp, and assholes name Damond is hunting for . Even though most of the time, most of you ladies with bet small with your pussies and bet big with your hearts. With that being the dumbest move you could make. Trust me. Men know it just a matter of time before you’ll cave in and give it up, so why keep playing the game. Well here’s why .no matter how long you make a man wait for the sex , he’ll keep playing this game , but keep in mind while this is going there are others out who’s giving it up to him , as he grows bored with them , his interest in you is increasing , but only for a simple reason . You have become his Moby dick , bigfoot , the myth that is escape him .you can use this to your advantage .You can get him to either respected you more or walk away and have him  find some other low self esteem stank to fuck with. I should know I fell victim to this trap many of time and can’t say it wasn’t fun .but for men like me there’s always a way around any problem.

Which this brings me to a small story, at the time; when I was the biggest slut in my relationship. also in my first real relationship. Meaning that we lived together and I had to be crafty about my screwing round .her name was Shirley she was a psyche major at the collage of Charleston at the time. I met at the same place where I met was going to met the future mother of my children at .Level 2.
          We fooled around on the date floor and flirted with each. Around this time there was a hurricane that came through Charleston most of collage in the empty moved most of students up state only a small handful of them stayed in town, she was one of those few. And I was house sitting that week for my friend K.Hopp who went down to Florida to do a D.J. gig down there , which was cool for me since I was living in the north area , and having a spot downtown to crash was a sweet idea  and made my exploits easy . Well I and Shirley exchange words and then she invited me over to house. She gave me the address which was a townhouse on coming street, but I was a drunk at the time and didn’t know how short term my memory was. When I got to the street when she lived on I forget the house number all I could remember was the apartment number .so I figured since there was only two on each side of the street a process of elimination would best . That what a drunken mind would get to think at 3A.M. which I would later find out was a horrible idea. I ended up knocking on the wrong door, which the home belong to an very old white woman, who panic and call the police, before I figured out what was the right apartment I was surrounded at gun point by 3 of Charleston finest .After a fail effort of trying to tell them my story I found my being driven back to North Charleston. So a few days later I finally figured out where she lived, and maybe my way back downtown. During the course of the evening we talked and laugh , then we made our way to her bedroom where a condom was waiting on the bed to be put to proper used .
After that night we started spending more and more time together,. Before I knew it I was in a relationship, a real one. We were living together. I was working; she was going to school and working. And between all of that I was partying, and screwing around here back at any given moment that I had free.
         It was like I had multi-life going on , there was my home life and then my street life , and my sex life , where I could remember having up to six women I was sleeping with at the same time . I really had it down to a science and I got bolder about it. I could remember having two ladies I was screwing with at the time around the corner from each other. The only reason  I wasn’t caught was because my aunt’s townhouse at the time was on the same street of one the ladies, so my aunt was my unwilling alibi. most of time I saw most of these women I kept my time short and always used a lame excuse to after we had sex so I can make my way over to the next woman. While all of this was going my dear Shirley had no idea how much of a dirty slutty dog I was. 
During this timeline I had a new look and a cool swagger going for myself. Where I had my hair dyed blonde, and I also was working at an Adult video store called big Jim’s (a.k.a video plus). Since I was also hanging out at most of the strips clubs and another club called plum crazy it seem the town was mine for the taking. And why not, the store afforded the opportunity to watch porn all night all, and cool horny slutty women willing to do sexual favors for a discount for goods in the store. And I could have my friends or any ladies come over and hang out with me to kill the boredom of working 3rd shift. Once again while all of this was going my girlfriend didn’t know about my side action.

               There is a time when you get bored with life, even when things are going good. For me I was getting burn out with the whole sneaking around , so in order to feel the rush I had to push my fucking around to the edge and get bolder about who I was fucking , and where I fucked them . Shirley and I first apartment was a two bedroom flat which the smaller room serve as our guess room. We had many of friends and family that stayed in that room , but there was one guess we had staying over that I was going to push myself and most likely my relationship to the edge , she was one of my friends who was couch hopping from friend’s to friend’s house. She was also known to be a bit of slut too, but she was hot. Really usually not the type of chick I go for. She was about 5'3 145 lbs, and had a perfect set of double d tits.  We first hooked up when Shirley was out of town visiting her parent , who lived closer to the North Carolina border , it was just a matter of time before she was going to need a place to stay .I know what you thinking how this women ended up staying at my house with my girlfriend not raising hell about it . Well here’s how. I build up her image in my girlfriend’s eyes as a platonic friend , someone I was never going to stick my dick  into , and since she met about 4 or 5 female friends who was in this class to , she couldn’t  tell friend from foe .
                On this fateful morning I just finish working 3rd shift at the video store , and Shirley was in class for the morning , and my sexy little house guess was in the room sleeping . I was in the mood for a morning quickie before I took a nap later on that day. I walked in the room, starting fooling around with her, pulled off her thongs, flip her belly. And was fucking doggie style, right when I came I heard a sound of a car door closed. It was Shirley. I had about less than 2 minutes to get my cock out of this chick’s pussy and descent to the living room and pass it off like that nothing didn't happen. The heart was race as well my feet. This softly sprinted out the room to the living room. Where the TV was on, and I play off like I was there the whole time.  She walked in the saw me lying where I gave her my best Oscar worthy performance. She brought it hook, line, and sinker. 
Best was yet to come in over relationship. And cheating has become such a way of life to it was becoming easy as breathing. I want out of this hell I was putting myself through. With that came an idea, not the best one but one that I figured would free me and she’ll have no choice but to leave me. I was fooling around with stripper name peaches. Peaches was short curvy chick, didn’t have much in the breast department, but she did have a thick ass. The other thing I found sexy on her was here tramp stamp tattoo that read” DADDY’S LIL GIRL”.  One would think that a girl with a tattoo like that isn’t repressing any hidden daddy issues, right? Wrong, very dead wrong. The first time I fucked her, and she called me “DADDY!” it wasn’t sexy, because  it wasn’t like a sexy grown ass woman voice, it was like a baby, or childish voice. Every time she said that I felt like a pedophile, which isn’t hot at all.
Well I was seeing peaches going to her house and staying there till 6 a.m. with Shirley’s car no less. More and more this went on the felt like something gotta give. Either Shirley has to see for the scumbag I became or peaches will.
        Most of the time if any of my ladies want to get in  touch with they had to hit me up on my pager, I never gave them a direct line of contact with me., but I broke this rule with peaches. I gave her the house number and never told her when a good time to call was. On this fateful night Shirley was going to go out and I was going to chill my cousin at the house. So when I thought she left out the apartment I jumped on the phone with peaches. Much to my surprise she didn’t leave and she heard the conversation on the line. She kicked in the guest room door and screamed
“YOU MOTHER FUCKER WHO IN THE FUCK IS THAT!”
And peaches heard her though the phone and said” IS THAT YOUR BITCH I’M COMING OVER TO KICK HER ASS!!!!!!!!”
In my sick twisted mind I was thinking “this going better that I planned I get to kill two birds with one stone, sweet!”
But no peaches didn’t come over and Shirley didn’t break up me with on the spot, but we did have the “talk”.
Within that talk the revelations begin to spill out. We were drinking talking calmly, and she asked me. “How many times did you cheat on me?”
“You first  ...” I said.
I was just trying to buy myself sometime and maybe shift some of the guilt.
“3 times with the same person, you knew about that guy.” she informed me
“Now you ....”  She said
“ mmm I can I have some of you wine I’m out .” I said taking the glass away from her hand .
“26...” and I took a sip of the wine, fearing that she could use it as a weapon later on.
“26 times with the same person?” Said Shirley with a heavy voice.
“no 26 diffident women ...” as took another quick slip from the glass .
“WHAT, YOU FUCKING SLUT!”  She shouted.
“Who, who were they?” she demanded.
         I only told about the few she knew by face and name, the rest I with held. Not because I wanted to protect them.Just because it was pointless most of them we’re meaningless to me anyway. She didn’t know them and still till this day wouldn’t know who they were even if met out in the street unless my name surfaced in a conversation (which she told me this have happen a few times). Still she didn’t leave for the next few months our relationship became more dysfunctional. We ventured into an open relationship I guess she figured if you can’t beat em’, then play their game too. This was met with mix success, since I was still out whoring around this work in my favor. Since she was getting herself some strange dick while I was out fooling around I didn’t have to feel any guilt. In closing of this tale, me and Shirley broke up, it was for the best .it was a lesson learn for the both of us, but I still think we’re trying to figure out just what we have learned.
Now ladies I hope you took in some cues from this tale because there was tell - tell signs that all men do when they cheating on you   or you’re being used as the other women or both . Here’s a few.......:
You can’t show up at his home, work or one of his homeboy’s house without checking with him first.
Your contact with him is limited (such as short talk time , he’s comes over your house for a quick” nut”, or there’s only a certain time of the day when you can call him).
Beware of female “friends” some are just friends , but is the bitch he’s fucking and she knows who you are,and will be  waiting for you to either dump him or him to dump you, or cause enough drama to make both of these things to happen . The only thing  was that I was good at was playing a shell game of 
having a bunch of female friends I wasn’t fucking , but there was at least one I was screwing and she knew I had a girlfriend .
Time is the enemy to a man that is screwing around, so if there’s a lot nights that he doesn’t come home till after 6 a.m. well I got some bad news for you. There isn’t any bar or open past 5 am. Unless you lived in NYC then this rule is void.
The biggest one is what I like to call the “fall guy”. Most single men have their “wingman” the one guy , who going to take one for the team when they go out this dude is the guy who get the “ugly” friend so his buddy can score the hotter one. This position gets  boosted to the “fall guy “ this dude is the false alibi for the man who creeps around , he has a name and a face , but he doesn’t  hang out with your man that much (unless your man is on the down low , and if that the case good luck figuring that out. Cause I got nothing for you on that.)
Most of my “fall guys” had be a friend that my girlfriend might’ve only met once or never seen but hear me talked of them.
And last but not least you need to see at least one time where he lays his head at, if you never been to his house then more than likely he has a woman in his life and no  it isn't his mother .
Well ladies this you story for today. But don’t worry fellas I got ya’ll back on the next one trust me ........

6 comments:

  1. You make commitment seem so hopeless.

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  2. naw just at that peroid in my life it was......

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  3. Wow good read. For a long time I was sad because I wanted to be with you but now I feel like it was probably the safest decision I made.

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  4. naw cuz all of this happen way before i met you like 5 years before .......things have change since then

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  5. wow!!! remind me not to notch a number on ur bedpost!!!! lmao

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  6. I HAD to write something about this one. First of all let me say that I respect you for putting yourself out there like that and keeping it real about the type of person you was in the past. One of the things I like about you is your ability to talk about the things you did. You know I am a willing set of ears when it comes to your stories.
    Most women reading this will not want to deal with you or will be happy that they never did because yeah you was OUT THERE, but I know that stuff like this is just how lots of people (not just men but women too) are made. And being that I have been the other woman a time or 2 in my life I know that stuff like this is common so I would never judge you for what you did in your past.
    After reading MOST of your blogs I just find you to be more and more interesting. From what I know of you're not only older but much wiser now and should not be judged by the things you did back in the day. We all have skeletons in our closet and hell after reading your blogs I might be tempted to put some mine out there. This was such a good read! Kisses!!!!

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